


All's Fair in Love and Crime

by Cartadwarfwithaheartofgold (manka), TightAssets



Series: Setting the World on Fire: One-shots from The (Modern AU) Love Story of Varric Tethras and Maria Cadash [6]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angry Kissing, Angry Sex, Arguing, F/M, Idiots in Love, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, NSFW Art, Oral Sex, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Resolving the Argument with Smut, Shameless Smut, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-18
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-14 05:53:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,733
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29537808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/manka/pseuds/Cartadwarfwithaheartofgold, https://archiveofourown.org/users/TightAssets/pseuds/TightAssets
Summary: Varric Tethras loves his girlfriend, Maria Cadash, very much. He's less enamored with her shady criminal activities that are going to get her killed and she is definitely going to hear about it. If they end up fucking against a wall after their argument... well, all's fair in love and crime.
Relationships: Female Cadash/Varric Tethras, Female Inquisitor/Varric Tethras
Series: Setting the World on Fire: One-shots from The (Modern AU) Love Story of Varric Tethras and Maria Cadash [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1896766
Comments: 2
Kudos: 8





	All's Fair in Love and Crime

**Author's Note:**

> This is for the [14 Days of Dragon Age Lovers](https://14daysdalovers.tumblr.com/) event on Tumblr run by the ever amazing [Scharoux](https://scharoux.tumblr.com/). 
> 
> Prompt featuring TightAssets' art! The prompt is #3: You Drive Me Crazy.

If Varric didn’t love her, he would cheerfully murder her.

He should have known. He can admit, grudgingly, the fact that he _didn’t_ is entirely due to her cleverness. His Maria never gives anything away she doesn’t want known, her lips firmly zipped.

A part of him can even admire it. He’s so used to bailing people out, it’s almost refreshing to find out about the issue secondhand. Maria isn’t Hawke, stumbling in and dumping her latest mess on his desk. She’s _certainly_ not Bianca, who would have felt his assistance was a sure thing. Instead, Maria went it alone. And Varric, idiot in love that he was, would never have known.

Thank fucking Andraste for Cole.

He tells himself he isn’t going to interfere. Maria didn’t ask for his help, so she clearly doesn’t feel like she needs it. But he _can’t_ stay away from the drop she’s set up. Nerves rattle in his stomach while he waits in the building across the street. Below, the harbor district is eerily quiet and shrouded in fog and shadows.

It’s late. Too late for any legitimate business to be happening. Maria should be at the bar working her shift or, better yet, soft, warm, and safe in his bed. Instead, Varric can see her small form leaning against the warehouse across the street. She’s got her hood pulled up over her hair, hiding the red gleam, and her hands shoved deep in her pockets.

She fits in here, but he’s not shocked. There’s always been a whiff of danger surrounding her, the lingering aura of the Carta she left just before he met her. It’s sobering to realize how easy it would be for her to flit back in the shadows.

He tries to tell himself it would never happen. Bea would never stand for it, but Varric’s not sure Bea knows where she’s at either. Let alone what she’s done or _why_.

He should, frankly, be more furious. For the flurry of lies, if nothing else, but it’s hard to feel the sharp edge of anger when she’s only here to save someone else. Maria didn’t go back to the Carta for herself, she didn’t do it for money. He suspects she’d starve first if those were her options.

But she did do it for the waitress at the bar, the jumpy one with her police officer boyfriend. Nobody else saw the bruises, not even him, but Maria had. So she acted, _alone_ , and she went back to the one place she knew with no high regard for cops.

Varric could strangle her. Or kiss her. Maybe both.

It’s almost over, at any rate. The girl is out of Kirkwall, smuggled neatly into Orlais, and all that’s left is for Maria to turn over the second half of her payment. But the whole thing makes Varric’s chest hair itch. There’s a lot of suspicion about the death of the Dasher in Ostwick, a lot of unanswered questions, a lot of rumors flying around the Carta about the Cadash girls. Are they _really_ going to pass up this opportunity to exact some good old fashioned justice?

Varric hopes so, but he doubts it.

He doesn’t have to wait long, at least. A van turns the street corner and immediately flips its headlights off, but Varric doesn’t need them to see trouble. Maker’s _ass_ , the van doesn’t even have windows. It’s a classic setup.

Maria knows it too. He sees it in the sudden coiled tension of her posture, a prize fighter ready to spring, and dammit he really shouldn’t be appreciating the casual sexiness she exudes right now. He can do it _after_ they get home and have a nice, long argument about her recklessness.

The door to the van slides open. A harsh voice yells. “Cadash! Come on in!”

A beat of silence. The Maria’s low, dangerous drawl. “I can get my own ride. Here’s your money.”

She tosses a large envelope between her and the van and turns on one heel. Her fingers grip something tightly in her pocket and Varric’s almost interested in what kind of weapon she’s got stashed.

 _Almost_.

But he’d already pushed his silent alarm the second he saw the windowless van. _He’s_ prepared for the sound of blaring police sirens, but nobody else is. They echo off the crowded alley just before tires squeal and bright, flashing blue and red lights erupt on either end of the narrow street.

His Maria freezes, but only for a second. He knows why she picked _this_ place, after all, and it isn’t for the same aesthetic. Maria ducks quickly through the shadows to the unlocked door and throws it open, vanishing inside his hiding place without knowing he’s waiting for her.

He can hear her footsteps on the creaking, rusted steps. He swears he can hear her heartbeat. She flies up them, hood falling and revealing her pale, freckled face and wild hair. Her determined eyes skip around the room, wary as a cornered animal, and fall on him. She actually stops, dead in her tracks, and he’s secretly delighted he can still surprise her.

“You have _got_ to be shitting me,” she spits. “What are you doing here?”

He inclines his head to the commotion outside. Aveline barking orders, Donnic throwing a body against a squad car. “Preventing you from getting kidnapped by the Carta.”

“I was _not_ getting kidnapped by the goddamn Carta.”

Her temper is already coloring her face. Varric feels the dangerous thrum of his own, but he smooths it down.

“You’re welcome, _Princess_.”

He makes sure to emphasize his little nickname in the perfect way that lets her know she’s being a pain in the ass. She glares at him for another second before storming off towards the back of the warehouse. Varric peels himself away from the window quietly, following her.

“I cannot _believe_ you sent Aveline after me,” she growls in the darkness ahead of him. “Cause _that’s_ what I need. Another fucking set of charges.”

“Aveline wasn’t going to catch you. And if she did, she was just going to lecture you on hanging around in dark alleys waiting for Carta goons to show up. You know, the usual.”

“Shame. Then _you_ wouldn’t have got the chance.” She punctuates her sentence by shoving open another door, revealing a rickety old fire escape. If she’s got any doubt about its ability to hold her, she doesn’t show it. She’s fearless about the groaning beneath her weight, the creak of the ladder as she lowers it.

Reckless, beautiful, and so stubborn it’s taking every last shred of his willpower not to shake her.

He follows her much more cautiously, creeping down the ladder just after she jumps off. She’s halfway down the alley before he hits the ground. He whispers loudly after her retreating back. “ _Maria_ , car's down here.”

“I don’t need a ride,” she grumbles back.

For a second, he considers letting her walk away. She’s a big girl with a knife or, better yet, an illegal gun in her pocket. Odds are she’ll be fine, and Varric’s a gambling man usually, but…

But if anything happens to her he’ll have to bleed the Carta dry. He doesn’t even want to know how he’ll explain that to Aveline.

“Princess,” he growls, low in his throat. “If your fine Dwarven ass isn’t in my car in five minutes, I swear on my Ancestors I’ll call Aveline and have her toss you into a holding cell for the night.”

She spins back to face him, chin tipped up in a dare. “You’re full of shit, Varric Tethras.”

“Try me then.”

He can see her considering. Weighing the urge to push him with the desire to _not_ sleep in a cot in the station. Finally she swears under her breath and stalks back to him, then past him without saying a word. He doesn’t turn around until he hears the door of his car open, then slam shut.

Her shadow is sulking in the passenger seat when he gets in, the silence loaded, but Varric lets her marinate in it. He knows she’s expecting the fight, her hackles up, but he’s not gonna do it in the car. He can’t bring himself to do it when she’s got nowhere to run, he loves her too much for that. He won’t be the same shitty boyfriend she’s always had.

He parks outside her apartment twenty minutes later. When he cuts the engine, the quiet is oppressive, but he’s patient. It only takes a couple minutes before Maria says something.

“How’d you know?”

“Cole.” The obvious answer. He can tell by her grim frown in the streetlights that she already knew. “I even know why, you know.”

“Then what’s the point of this lecture?”

“You didn’t have to do this alone, you didn’t have to risk your damn life to do it.”

“I forgot,” she snaps, “I’m supposed to go to you to fix all my problems, right?”

Strangling her is looking more and more likely.

She opens her car door and vanishes into the night. Varric curses and undoes his seatbelt, following her.

“You’re gonna get a ticket if you park there!” she yells over her shoulder.

“Oh, we’re _worried_ about committing crimes tonight? I didn’t realize.”

His words drip sarcasm. She ignores it to wrench the door to her apartment building open and he catches it before it slams shut behind her. She skips the elevator, choosing the stairs, which means he has no choice but to hoof up after her.

The keys jingle in her hand while she walks. He stands behind her and watches while she unlocks her front door. It isn’t until she’s done it that she whirls back to him. “I didn’t ask you to come to my rescue.”

“Why not?” he demands. “I can’t quite decide what the issue is, Princess. If you don’t trust me yet, not sure what I’m gonna be able to do to convince you.”

Her eyes flash, stormy and dangerous. “It has nothing to do with that.”

“Too much Dwarven pride, then?” he guesses.

“Oh fuck off.”

She turns and vanishes through the door. He knows she’s about to slam it in his face, and any other night he’d let her. He’s been here before, with Maria’s prickly temper and her insistence on retreating instead of having it out. He knows she’s frightened the same way he _knows_ she’s never gonna tell him she is.

He catches the door this time instead and follows her into her quiet, empty apartment. Bea’s at work. Cole’s nowhere to be seen. It’s just Maria standing in the halo of the hallway light glaring at him.

“I think I deserve an explanation for why you’re so goddamn quick to throw yourself into situations that’ll get you killed.”

“Somebody had to do it. Nobody else was going to help her.”

She spits the words out like bullets at the same time she shrugs off her coat.

“I would have.”

“I know!”

….Somehow she does always manage to shock him into speechlessness. She tosses her coat away, standing there in nothing but a thin t-shirt and her ripped jeans. She ducks low to pull off her sneakers, but for a second he can see the doors in her eyes blown wide open.

What he sees there is more disquieting than her fury.

“Then why in the world am I chasing you across the damn city dragging you out of life or death situations?” he asks.

“Because for the smartest man I know, you’re an _idiot_ for a pretty face.”

She’s absolutely right. More right than she knows. But with his temper fraying, with the relief that in spite of herself she’s back, safe, in her apartment, he can’t think of a quip to dampen the blow.

So he does the next best thing. He _acts_.

It takes a second to cross the gulf between them. She pushes back on his chest when his arm snags around her waist, but her chin is already tipping up. Lips already parting.

He presses his mouth against hers with brutal intensity, overwhelming her defenses with every trick he knows she likes. He runs his tongue along the seam of her lips, then plunders her mouth ruthlessly. In seconds she’s no longer pushing him away, but dragging him closer, her fingers burrowing into his shirt.

She tastes like fire, like _sin_ , and Maker help him, he’s an idiot for her. She’s not wrong.

“What am I supposed to do?” he growls against her lips, pulling her bruisingly tight. “Let you go off and get yourself killed? Bea would never forgive me.”

Her teeth sink into his bottom lip and the shock of bright, delicious pain goes right to his cock. This close he swears he can see lightning flashing in her eyes.

“Better me than you,” she whispers.

And there it is. The bright, beautiful truth of her. Maria Cadash would do _anything_ to protect the people she loves, and she loves _him_. He knows it in his bones, an irrefutable truth in a world full of lies.

Goddamn her. _Goddamn her_.

His fingers slip beneath the fabric of her t-shirt while he silences her with another kiss. She doesn’t fight him, in fact her fingers are undoing all the remaining buttons on his shirt as fast as she can. He shifts only enough to slot his leg between her thighs. She bucks against it and into his chest, chasing the thrill of pleasure.

“Next time I’m going to tie you to the bed,” he promises darkly. “Easier. Quicker.”

He can feel her sharp smile beneath his lips. “You can try.”

Oh he _will_. And he’ll enjoy it.

He rips her shirt over her head at the same time she shoves his down his broad arms. He lifts his hands up the satin skin of her back, ignoring the scars he finds to fiddle with the clasp of her bra. It’s made more difficult by her wriggling in his arms, the way she drags herself up and down his broad thigh, her hands digging into the hair on his chest and tugging lightly.

She thinks she’s going to get control over this, and he’s happy to let her think that for the moment while he gives into her insistent kisses. He can feel her turn triumphant, thinking she’s won.

The moment her bra is unclasped she slips it down her arms and presses her breasts against his chest. Varric almost forgets his anger at the soft feel of her warm, willing body against his.

 _Almost_.

She’s melting under his touch, hard edges blurring. His hands sink to her ass and pull her up and down his thigh, letting her ride him, capturing her little moans. She fumbles at his pants, driven to impatience by her desire, but the instant she’s got them undone she pulls them down.

They have to break apart for him to step out of them. He leaves them on the floor, eyeing her up. The blush on her face has spread to her chest, her perfect tits rising and falling while she struggles with her own pants. He chuckles and reaches out, tugging her forward again.

He breathes the words against her ear, feeling her shudder beneath him. “Let me, Princess.”

“I want you,” she murmurs, pressing her face to his neck. Her teeth nip at his skin, sending another throb of pleasure. “I _need_ you.”

She doesn’t. Not really. But she _does_ want him. Not just in her bed, but in her life, and that’s enough. That’s more than enough. Someday, she may even stop being a reckless, self-destructive idiot.

Not that it matters. Either way, he’s a lovesick fool.

He peels her jeans off her wiggling form with minimal help. She stands, glowing in the dim light, a victorious smile at the edge of her lips.

Lovesick he may be, but he’s still _just_ angry enough to push her against the wall. She makes a small, startled noise. It gives him just the opportunity to rip her underwear down her thighs.

“The bedroom is _right there_ ,” she points out breathlessly.

He drops to his knees before her and her smile tips up in victory. “Is it? Seems awfully far away, beautiful.”

Her thighs spread immediately, revealing her pretty cunt for his perusal. His fingers dig into the lush curve of her ass and pull her forward so he can press heated kisses just above her glistening folds.

Maria’s fingers find his hair instinctually, tangling in it while he continues to trail closer to her slick center. When his breath ghosts over her she makes a small noise in her throat, the closest she usually comes to begging.

“I’ve barely even touched you, Princess,” he murmurs, bringing his rough fingers to trace her slit. “And you’re already this needy?”

“What can I say,” she huffs, bucking into his touch. “I get off on antagonizing you.”

Doesn’t Varric know it. He rolls his eyes and allows his tongue to slide over her delicate flesh. The taste of her is exquisite, matched only by the moan that explodes out of her mouth. Varric smirks and pulls her closer to his mouth.

One of the many things he loves about Maria is how goddamn easy to please she is. Her body responds to him in all the perfect little ways he adores, thighs trembling, fingers pulling at his hair. She’s greedy when it comes to taking her pleasure, and _impatient_ , which makes teasing her all the sweeter.

He explores her with his tongue and lips until she’s whimpering, bending over him, hips jerking in their search for more. Only then does he slip two thick fingers inside her, feeling her fluttering muscles clench down. His cock throbs, a spike of his own desperate desire nearly wrenching him off course, but he regains control in the next moment.

Then he _ravages_ her. Fingers thrust in and out, tongue circling her clit. She sobs and shakes above him, hurtling toward the edge. Just as she’s going taut, at the very precipice of her orgasm, he wrenches his talented tongue away.

“Varric!” she yelps, trying uselessly to drag him back to her dripping cunt, but she’s no match for his brute strength. He pulls away, a shit eating grin splitting his face, and shakes his head.

“Not yet, Princess.”

“Oh you _fucking asshole_ ,” Maria swears, her hand diving down her stomach to finish herself off.

She doesn’t make it. Varric surges upwards, twisting her curvy little form around and pushing her front to the wall. She makes a shocked noise of protest and both hands fly out to catch herself, aching cunt forgotten.

Varric presses his hand down on her waist, dipping her spine into a curve that presents her fine ass to his expert perusal. He grabs a cheek in each hand and squeezes reverently. “I chased your fantastic ass across the city tonight patiently, I think you can be a little patient too.”

“ _Fuck you_ ,” she hisses, pushing back against him, only succeeding in grinding against his throbbing cock.

He leans in and closes his teeth around the lobe of her ear. The little moan she makes goes right to his protesting cock. He releases it and presses a kiss to the delicate skin behind before whispering darkly. “You risk your life doing stupid shit, I get to fuck you against a wall until you scream. It’s only fair.”

“What-”

Maria doesn’t get the words out. Even as she’s complaining, her thighs are spreading as far as they’re able. His fingers circle her clit and she makes a soft, breathy moan. It’s enough of a distraction for him to thrust forward in one sure, sudden movement that buries him inside her.

She chokes on her cry, fingers tightening into fists. He presses fierce, sucking kisses on her neck, sinks his teeth into the meat of her shoulder. She bucks back into him and he moans.

“Varric-” she whines, dropping one hand from the wall. He knows what she’s after almost immediately and snags it before she can touch her own aching clit.

“I don’t think so, beautiful.” He wraps his fingers around her wrist and pulls it away, holding it to the wall above her head. “It’s my turn.”

He punctuates his statement with a bruising grip on her hip dragging her back onto his cock. Her moans echo in the empty hallway and he smirks.

“That’s my girl.”

She opens her mouth. “Varric-”

He cuts her off with a pace that is just on the right edge of brutal. Beneath him she can do nothing but hold herself against the wall, trembling and shaking, on the edge of an orgasm she can’t get to without help.

Varric’s mad enough to hold her there while he chases his own end, his hand digging into her ass, her moans ringing sweetly in the air. She sobs his name in between ragged breaths, but it’s not until he feels the tightening at the base of his spine that he drops her hand.

She doesn’t wait for him, she simply drops her hand to her sensitive clit. It takes mere moments for her to reach her climax with his name on her lips, his cock pistoning inside her through the trembling clench of her muscles.

“That’s it-” he growls. “That’s it, goddammit, Maria, I-”

He loses his words. All she can do is tug her lips to his, claiming them as his own as he loses his rhythm and hilts himself inside her fully. Her cunt clenches around him as he fills her and he groans into her kiss, his own legs feeling shaky.

Then, just as soon as the storm has come, it’s over. He breaks the kiss to press his forehead to hers, watches her eyes open.

“You drive me crazy,” he rasps softly.

Her smile is soft. Almost sweet. “I know.”

“Never again,” he demands in between panting breaths, slipping out of her. He can’t help but look, captivated by the sight of his seed dripping from her.

She has the audacity to laugh and shake her head as she pushes away from the wall, “No promises, Varric.”

He should hate that statement. He really should.

But he’s kinda looking forward to the next time already.

**Author's Note:**

> Fine Dwarven Peen Crafts Direct from Pornzammar with love at: [@tightassets](https://tightassets.tumblr.com/) and [@cartadwarfwithaheartofgold](https://cartadwarfwithaheartofgold.tumblr.com/)!


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